So this morning I had a couple hot dogs for brunch and after I was done, I sat the plate on the floor next to me while I continued to read for class. There were some bun remnants on the plate and that was it.
Almost immediately I saw Oliver eye the plate and I grabbed the camera because I knew exactly what he was going to do – not eat the leftovers. Ohhhh no. He was going to attempt to bury them!
Oliver’s odd habit
Yes, my constant companion and protector has to make sure I leave no food remnants around that might attract some wild animal to our den. He does the same thing with his food after every bite from his dish. I wonder if he’ll ever figure it out that A) he isn’t accomplishing anything and B) that no one will ever follow their nose to his food bowl besides him.
Filed under: humor
After the Michale Phelps “anal” incident, I have been watching TV with the closed captioning on more often. While watching “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” I knew it had the potential to be a hot mess. Here is a snippit of the insanity. (If you are unaware, when dashes (–) appear during closed captioning, it is to inform you that there was a mistake previously that they are attempting to remedy. . . sometimes this works, sometimes it just makes things worse; much, much worse.)
SUE: You have a question.
CALLER: I stimulate my iorally. — I stimulate my wife or early . . .
That one practically is appropriate for daytime TV!
The next caller had cerebral palsy and was asking for advice on sexual positions that would be less awkward for her and her partner. This is an example of a serious question which turned into a hilarious mess.
SUE: You know with some regrow palsy, there are different degrees of limitation — with sir regrow policy — with cerebral palsy there are different degrees of limitation.
Mind you, when the closed captioning is attempting to fix prior mistakes, the show is going on, and on, and on. During this particular segment, once the cerebral palsy mess was remedied, the caller was finished and the show had gone to commercial before the question was ever able to be answered.
In the next example, Sue addressed a previous called named “Debbie” . . . That Canadian accent must have thrown things off.
SUE: Let me put out an idea for daddy. She is saying when she is with her regular partner, it burns. I was wondering, when you are with your regular partner, perhaps he does not spend as much time stimulating yew. Therefore your vagina was a dryer – was drier. If he was very enthusiastic, that would be irritating to your vagina because it is dry. Ask your partner to spend more time stimulating yew.
Daddy’s vagina is a dryer?? AH!
But the hands down winner I had to put on YouTube to share with all of you – enjoy:
Closed Caption Nightmare
For those of you enjoying the blog at work, I’ll just write it out for ya 
SUE: Put a condom on your fingers. Three of them. Retract two figures. The first one will stimulate around the wreck them. Lots of lubrication. — Around the rectum. Lots of lubrication. Insert one banker. When he is comfortable.
Moral of the story: don’t let your banker wreck your figure!
Filed under: humor
Yesterday I laughed my ass off during an interview between Michael Phelps and NBC when the closed captioning misinterpreted what he said and came up with this little gem:
“success at such a young anal”.
Yea, closed captioning confused “age” with “anal”. Hmm.
So today during the women’s volleyball match when the announcer said the US team was “Phelpsian-like”, I immediately paused, rewound, and replayed with captioning on. Would you believe it that closed captioning managed to get “Phelpsian-like” right? Sheesh. I was hoping for another fun booboo.
Side note: Phelpsian clearly is not yet in the WordPress dictionary according to my spell check.
This search term deserved a post all its own:
pierogies in pregnancy
So, is the searcher a real health nut who has lost her mind during pregnancy OR is it someone who hates pierogi (who could hate pierogies??) and is looking for an excuse not to eat them?
Sheesh.
Anyhow, what else is up today? Well, I need to go to my psychiatrist for a Rx. I can’t believe I managed to get an appt. with him on such short notice (I called Tuesday!). After that I need to go clothing shopping. I have nothing that fits right now and yes, I plan to get back into all of those clothes, but in the mean time, I have to have something that works. Plus I need suits for my competition which is just in two weeks.
Other than that, lots of odd jobs.
Oh and an update: called my stylist today and asked her what in the heck to do with my hair. After I talked both to her and the shop owner, I was left with not a whole lot of advice – keep it moisturized and protected from heat – and they are refunding my money.
Good plan.
Ciao.
Filed under: humor
I’m playing around on my dad’s computer, showing him a thing or two and I decide to look at the recent search terms for people finding my blog…
It has been an odd few days apparently.
cick me: This one bothers me – if I made that spelling mistake somewhere in my blog, it must be corrected asap.
women torture chickens: oh do they??
pbs night terrors sleep disorders: I know, not funny. But I know I have never written about night terrors so I am confused how this brought someone to my blog…
who will look after my chicken on holiday: we have a winner!
I’m heading back to my mother and step-fathers today later in the afternoon and then heading back home likely on the third. I will let everyone know of all of the great fun I had up here, all of the wonderful gifts I received, and of all the people I caught up with once I am back on a better internet connection!
Ciao!
I told you all about Alison Sweeney getting a piece of confetti stuck in her mouth at the end of the Biggest Loser finale, and I told you all it would be up here as soon as it was YouTubed. Well, here it is:
Filed under: humor
That sucks. At the very end of the Biggest Loser Finale, the host, Alison Sweeney almost swallowed a piece of confetti that was falling from the ceiling!
I’ll be sure to put it up here once it is posted on YouTube lol.
Ciao!
I’ve seen this vid before, but I still ended up crying watching it again today. I’ve seen just the footage of the model falling as well…. it doesn’t hold a candle to the commentary these newscasters add.
If you’re having a bad day, watch this 
model falls and news anchor laugh their asses off
I know I just finished writing but I couldn’t help myself. I have CNN on in the background. They are discussing baseball or some shit (I don’t “do” sports). Anyhow, a man being interviewed mentioned that he had spoken to someone named “Dick Pound”….
Come again?
I don’t know why that struck me as so funny but I decided to google “Dick Pound name”. I was pleasantly surprised to find this website – a list of the 9 manliest names. (Dick Pound is #2).
I have to say that Dr. Duncan Steel impressed me the most. The name isn’t all that exciting, although, being called “Dr. Steel” probably rocks. But it is what this guy has done in his lifetime! He even has the job that Bruce Willis had in Armageddon!! You better be made of steel (or at least a distinctive manly part of you) in order to handle that kind of position!
Taking a quick study break (I had no choice - I drank one of those Starbucks Doubleshot Espressos and I am having trouble sitting still!) and I peeked at my blog stats.
Today’s search terms are a little more uncommon than usual and make me wonder about all of the people out there who randomly peek into a little bit of my daily life.
- chimp infant solicit sex
My curiosity is piqued, but I am not going to entertain it… and I have no clue why they were sent to my blog…
- the future plans of god and the universe
WHOA! Someone is feeling philosophical! I don’t think the internet is the place to search for things like that lol.
- guinea pig dominance
This one makes me chuckle because I know the post they were sent to and it is definitely NOT what that person was looking for lol.
- strange city stress
hmm, were they looking for info about stress related to living in a new and “strange” city, OR were they looking up stressors unique to persons living in metropolitan areas? Just something to contemplate.
- city chicken blog
Stalker?
- Chicken Court En Blue
AHHH! HAHA! I get a TON of “chicken court on blue” searchers coming to my blog now, but THIS search beats those out cold! It’s like they knew the phrase was gussied up somehow but they got it oh soooo wrong! lol.
- spam upside down pie
Rock on adventurous eater!
Okay, I think I am feeling less fidgity. Back to the grind!
I decided I should make a quick post before an early bedtime tonight. These come out of the Household Hi-speed cookbook once again. ENJOY! haha.
Pimiento Spread
- 1 14 1/2 oz can evaporated milk (When the first ingredient is this contradictory to the name of the recipe, it is always a sign of a great family favorite!)
- 1 pound American Cheese, grated (moooo).
- 2 tablespoons vinegar
- 1/2 tsp dry mustard
- 1 7pz can pimientos, drained and chopped
- 1/2 tsp salt
- dash cayenne (yeah, I’m sure that’ll help…)
Heat undiluted milk in upper part of double broiler over hot water. Add cheese to hot milk. Stir until cheese is melted and mixture is smooth. Remove from heat. Cool, stir occasionally. Add remaining ingredients. Blend thoroughly. Store in covered refrigerator jars to be used as needed. This spread keeps well in the refrigerator for several weeks (clear indicator of a dairy dish gone waaaay wrong). It is useful for pack-lunch sandwiches, grilled sandwiches, or a stuffing for celery (also great for patching concrete, killing vermin, and giving most of the non-lactose digesting population severe diarrhea).
Makes about 2 cups of filling.
Pimiento Spread not your cup of tea?
How about:
Tongue Spread instead?
- 1 cooked beef tongue, ground
- 3 hard-cooked eggs, minced (because that tongue doesn’t have near enough protein for a growing family!)
- 3 sweet pickles, minced
- 1/2 cup chopped cabbage (what goes better with tongue than gas?)
- 3/4 cup minced celery
- 1 medium onion, minced
- 2 tablespoons salad dressing
- 1 tsp. catsup
- 1 tsp prepared mustard
- vinegar
Combine tongue, eggs, pickles, and vegetables. Mix thoroughly. Combine Salad Dressing, catsup, and mustard. Add vinegar to season and make filling of spreading consistency. Makes about 4 cups filling.
No serving suggestion was given for this little gem. May I suggest spreading a generous glop of tongue spread on a dry piece of toast for a protein rich and quick breakfast. Or how about using tongue spread to take a jello mold from dull and listless to grey and gay!
Back to my Household Hi-speed Cookbook and toady’s recipe comes from the vegetable casserole section.
Lima Bean Peanut
- 2 cups medium cream sauce (from another recipe in the Rolodex – essentially butter, scalded milk, and flour)
- 1 cup coarsely ground salted peanuts
- 2 cups cooked lima beans, drained
- 1 cup finely shredded cheddar cheese (because that is clearly what this recipe is missing so far!)
- 1/2 cup chopped pimientos (if you are unaware, green olives and pimientos were food groups back in the 40’s and 50’s)
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 2 tablespoon catsup (no commentary needed)
- Butter or margarine
- Buttered Bread crumbs
Prepare cream sauce as directed from previous recipe. Combine with remaining ingredients, except butter, or margarine and crumbs. Blend thoroughly Pour into well-oiled 2-quart casserole. Dot top with butter or margarine. Cover with crumbs. Bake in moderate oven (350F.) about 30 minutes or until golden brown. Serve hot. (No shit? Wouldn’t that have just been the cat’s pajamas to serve this chilled!?) Makes 6 to 8 servings.
Yes, I have come to the conclusion that the only way to truly appreciate these recipes would be to actually make them and serve them to some poor, unassuming soul. One day, I will make this casserole… and run like hell when it is served.
Apparently searching for “chicken court on blue” isn’t too bizarre – I now have multiple persons arriving to my blog in order to find out more about this elusive dish. (If you are one of them, head to this post).
Today I noticed another new search term I haven’t before seen: “juicing chickens”. For whatever reason, a post I wrote entitled “taking the lemons to the juicer” sent that searcher to me. I looked up juicing chickens on google – I was the third match but further down the page was something that appeared much closer – a blog post actually titled “juicing a chicken“.
It doesn’t sound half bad….
Anyhow, I am currently at school and will be heading out here in a few minutes for a little walk over to the state house – I am going to the Supreme Court to watch an argument regarding the aggravating and mitigating factors in the sentencing of a defendant who plead guilty to the murder of a four year-old. It should be very interesting and I will have plenty of time to get back for class.
After classes today, I have an Animal Law Society meeting and then I am going home and probably taking a nap. I haven’t been sleeping well lately – Oliver has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night in the most bizarre ways. He and I are going to have to have a serious talk about his nightly need for attention.
Ciao.
Is it a spelling problem?
Or did this person grow up in a part of the country where accent, drawl, or pronunciation made deciphering what others said a nightmare?
I don’t know but here is the most recent search term that brought someone by my blog:
“chicken court on blue”
I googled it myself (sans the ” “), and sure enough, my blog is the number three match.
I will admit, I get a lot of searchers coming to my blog looking for information about chickens but this had to be one of the best ones yet.
Dear “Chicken Court on Blue” searcher, if you return to my blog I hope I have not offended you. Let me please instead point you in a new direction: chicken cordon bleu, complete recipe and lovely picture. Bon appetite!
