the city chicken

Another edition of the Daily Dish!
04 4 2009, 6:24 pm
Filed under: Daily Dish


This is Oliver and welcome to another edition of the Daily Dish. I’ve been very busy lately but just because I haven’t been updating does not mean I have not been working. I have faithfully been reading all of my fan mail and that is what this update is all about. I routinely get questions from readers about the my editorials, myself, and most of all, humans. Today I would like to share my response to one such question. This e-mail came from Snuggles, who prefers to be called “Jim”.
Dear Oliver,
I would like to know more about bathrooms. Why do humans use them, why do humans insist on putting us in the water torture device, and is it ever safe to even go in a bathroom? My home has THREE bathrooms and I find it hard to feel safe anywhere in the house.

Jim (O.G.N. “Snuggles”)

P.S. I am jealous of your name.

Thanks for the question Jim. First of all, I feel for you on your owner given name. I got pretty lucky. As far as your question goes, I have had quite a bit of experience in the bathroom at my house. I only have one such room to contend with but I actually spend quite a bit of time in the bathroom of my own free will. I insist on accompanying my human into the bathroom unless she is running water in the torture device (which has the rather tame human name of “bathtub”). I have found that once humans are IN the bathtub, they must be subdued by its powers because I have never once been put in the bathtub while my human is also in it. So yes, there are safe times to enter the bathroom and even safe times to enter the bathtub.
As for what humans do in the bathroom, I honestly can’t say what their purpose is in there. Granted, they have their version of a litterbox in there, but other than that, it seems to serve little purpose other than for torturing themselves with water (which I will never hopefully understand).

As for potential ways you can avoid water torture, my suggestion is to simply stay as clean as possible and if you do get dirty, hide until you are clean again. This will not protect you all of the time and there is no rhyme nor reason for why humans insist on putting us in the bathtub when they do so when that time comes, your best response is to fight to the death. If you draw blood before you get wet, that will often deter any further attempt by the human to continue the struggle.

Good luck Jim and be sure to stay turned for my next edition of the Daily Dish in which I will share a video of my recent report from a bathroom which ended with me leaving dry and getting a good look at the torture device in action!


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