the city chicken


Oliver being Oliver
09 26 2008, 10:09 am
Filed under: humor, Oliver

So this morning I had a couple hot dogs for brunch and after I was done, I sat the plate on the floor next to me while I continued to read for class. There were some bun remnants on the plate and that was it.

 

Almost immediately I saw Oliver eye the plate and I grabbed the camera because I knew exactly what he was going to do – not eat the leftovers. Ohhhh no. He was going to attempt to bury them!

 

Oliver’s odd habit

 

Yes, my constant companion and protector has to make sure I leave no food remnants around that might attract some wild animal to our den. He does the same thing with his food after every bite from his dish. I wonder if he’ll ever figure it out that A) he isn’t accomplishing anything and B) that no one will ever follow their nose to his food bowl besides him.



Closed Captioning Goes . . . er, south.
09 7 2008, 2:03 pm
Filed under: humor

After the Michale Phelps “anal” incident, I have been watching TV with the closed captioning on more often. While watching “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” I knew it had the potential to be a hot mess. Here is a snippit of the insanity. (If you are unaware, when dashes (–) appear during closed captioning, it is to inform you that there was a mistake previously that they are attempting to remedy. . . sometimes this works, sometimes it just makes things worse; much, much worse.)

 

SUE: You have a question.

CALLER: I stimulate my iorally. — I stimulate my wife or early . . .

 

That one practically is appropriate for daytime TV!

 

The next caller had cerebral palsy and was asking for advice on sexual positions that would be less awkward for her and her partner. This is an example of a serious question which turned into a hilarious mess.

 

SUE: You know with some regrow palsy, there are different degrees of limitation — with sir regrow policy — with cerebral palsy there are different degrees of limitation.

 

Mind you, when the closed captioning is attempting to fix prior mistakes, the show is going on, and on, and on. During this particular segment, once the cerebral palsy mess was remedied, the caller was finished and the show had gone to commercial before the question was ever able to be answered. 

 

In the next example, Sue addressed a previous called named “Debbie” . . . That Canadian accent must have thrown things off. 

SUE: Let me put out an idea for daddy.  She is saying when she is with her regular partner, it burns. I was wondering, when you are with your regular partner, perhaps he does not spend as much time stimulating yew. Therefore your vagina was a dryer — was drier. If he was very enthusiastic, that would be irritating to your vagina because it is dry. Ask your partner to spend more time stimulating yew. 

 

Daddy’s vagina is a dryer?? AH!

But the hands down winner I had to put on YouTube to share with all of you – enjoy:

Closed Caption Nightmare

 

For those of you enjoying the blog at work, I’ll just write it out for ya 😉

SUE: Put a condom on your fingers. Three of them. Retract two figures. The first one will stimulate around the wreck them. Lots of lubrication. — Around the rectum. Lots of lubrication. Insert one banker. When he is comfortable.

Moral of the story: don’t let your banker wreck your figure! 😉



In awe.
08 18 2008, 9:07 pm
Filed under: humor

Yesterday I laughed my ass off during an interview between Michael Phelps and NBC when the closed captioning misinterpreted what he said and came up with this little gem:

“success at such a young anal”.

Yea, closed captioning confused “age” with “anal”. Hmm.

So today during the women’s volleyball match when the announcer said the US team was “Phelpsian-like”, I immediately paused, rewound, and replayed with captioning on. Would you believe it that closed captioning managed to get “Phelpsian-like” right? Sheesh. I was hoping for another fun booboo.

Side note: Phelpsian clearly is not yet in the WordPress dictionary according to my spell check.



a bun in the … pierogi?
01 3 2008, 1:32 pm
Filed under: daily grind, humor

This search term deserved a post all its own:

pierogies in pregnancy

So, is the searcher a real health nut who has lost her mind during pregnancy OR is it someone who hates pierogi (who could hate pierogies??) and is looking for an excuse not to eat them?

Sheesh.

Anyhow, what else is up today? Well, I need to go to my psychiatrist for a Rx. I can’t believe I managed to get an appt. with him on such short notice (I called Tuesday!). After that I need to go clothing shopping. I have nothing that fits right now and yes, I plan to get back into all of those clothes, but in the mean time, I have to have something that works. Plus I need suits for my competition which is just in two weeks.

Other than that, lots of odd jobs.

Oh and an update: called my stylist today and asked her what in the heck to do with my hair. After I talked both to her and the shop owner, I was left with not a whole lot of advice – keep it moisturized and protected from heat – and they are refunding my money.

Good plan.

Ciao.



not so much funny as it is bizarre
12 30 2007, 12:32 pm
Filed under: humor

I’m playing around on my dad’s computer, showing him a thing or two and I decide to look at the recent search terms for people finding my blog…

It has been an odd few days apparently.

cick me:  This one bothers me – if I made that spelling mistake somewhere in my blog, it must be corrected asap.

women torture chickens: oh do they??

pbs night terrors sleep disorders: I know, not funny. But I know I have never written about night terrors so I am confused how this brought someone to my blog…

who will look after my chicken on holiday:  we have a winner!

I’m heading back to my mother and step-fathers today later in the afternoon and then heading back home likely on the third. I will let everyone know of all of the great fun I had up here, all of the wonderful gifts I received, and of all the people I caught up with once I am back on a better internet connection!

Ciao!



I told you I’d get it up here
12 20 2007, 8:51 am
Filed under: celebs, current events, humor

I told you all about Alison Sweeney getting a piece of confetti stuck in her mouth at the end of the Biggest Loser finale, and I told you all it would be up here as soon as it was YouTubed. Well, here it is:




*gag* *ick* *patooey*
12 18 2007, 11:59 pm
Filed under: humor

That sucks. At the very end of the Biggest Loser Finale, the host, Alison Sweeney almost swallowed a piece of confetti that was falling from the ceiling!

I’ll be sure to put it up here once it is posted on YouTube lol.

Ciao!